story time with alaina.

Day 10

2010-01-26T20:24:00.002-07:00

Final day of finding joy.

Day 10's joy - oreo ice cream. enough said.

Day 9

2010-01-26T18:45:00.002-07:00

Day 9 was an interesting day. I spent the whole day in my room trying to do homework and clean up and organize a bit and spend a bit getting ready for the evening. Through a whole series of events I ended up being super annoyed a frustrated and after driving down south, turned around to head home. I was going to just forget about the evening and hang out by myself. I ended up deciding to go to the birthday party I had planned to go to and decided to try to have a great evening. Coda and I stopped at Wal-Mart to get the last little bit of Bruce's gift and started to head to his house. When we got there we gave him his gifts, hung out, and ate dinner. Coda and I decided to bake cookies so we excused ourselves from the others and headed in to the kitchen. After alot of mess, hiding of chocolate chips and deciding to also make brownies we were done baking. My joy for the day was not hanging out, eating good food, giving Bruce is AWESOME present or taking over the kitchen to bake. My joy was the meringue fight that occurred. I don't usually like to get dirty or messy and I don't like to feel sticky or gross, but oddly enough the meringue scenario reminded me it's ok to let go and have fun sometimes.

Day 8

2010-01-24T23:27:00.002-07:00

Friday started out like the last few Friday's had. I got up super early and went to school. This week I took in an extra class to hear a guest speaker, I worked out and left school to do a few errands. After I picked up the clothes I had altered I called my friend Coda. For those of you who don't know Coda there are a few things you need to know about her. #1 - she is AWESOME. #2 - she sometimes says inappropriate things... I always think those things are funny. #3- she is probably one of the funnest people I hang out with... yes funnest is not a word but lots of people use it so I choose to use it as well. So Coda and I went out for supper with another friend and then decided to go buy a birthday present for our friend Bruce. We ended up at the new Wal-mart supercentre in Deerfoot Meadows trying to find something perfect for Bruce. We ended up finding him a really awesome poster with some puppy dogs wearing hats on it. Of course we needed a frame for the poster so we went to Ikea (we later discovered Wal-mart has frames for cheaper). We ended up in the frame department and when we found someone to help us and we showed her what we needed the frame for she thought we were stoned. This isn't the first time someone thought this. Coda and I once went to a tattoo place in Canmore and the guy asked if thought it was a good idea to smoke up and hang out in the tattoo parlor... but back to Ikea. After we paid for the frame we discovered it was damaged and needed to get a new one so we went to get a new one, but we decided it would be fun to take a cart. Coda rode the cart and I pushed it. This totally made the woman who helped us think we were stoned... and I think about 14 other people thought we were stoned as well. After a randomly spaced out day and a semi-long week, day 8's joy was my friend Coda and our Wal-mart/Ikea adventure.

P.S. Bruce LOVED his poster. ha ha ha

Day 7

2010-01-24T23:12:00.002-07:00

Thursdays are the day of the week I hate the most. Most people don't like Monday's, but for me, it's Thursdays that get me. This Thursday was different than any other. When I got to work (which is one of the reasons me and Thursdays are not friends) I wasn't expecting to have that great of a time. I work with some pretty great kids, but I just don't know what to do with them. After an ok afternoon at work, the girl I work with and I were cleaning up and putting things away with our volunteers. I was a little bit stressed out after craziness erupted at work in the last 45 minutes, and when everything was put away I was excited to go home and relax for a bit.I made sure we didn't forget to put anything in the back room, locked the door and shut it. As soon as I shut it I realized I didn't have my keys! Not only do I lock my keys in my car, I locked the keys to the back room (and building) IN the back room. This meant I couldn't get back into the back room to get my keys, or lock up the building when we left. I knew there was a yoga group upstairs so I ran up to see if they had a key. None of the keys that had would unlock the back room in the basement, or lock the back door! I had to call my supervisor and tell her I locked the key they just gave me in the room and had no way to get them out, and to top it off I had no way to lock up our portion of the building! I eventually figured out a way to make sure our part of the building was locked up, but my keys are still in the back room. Although it seems as though this is an odd thing to find joy it, I did find joy in it. I thought it was super funny, and I could either laugh or cry. I chose to laugh, which turned out to be the better option. Day 7's joy found.

Day 6

2010-01-21T20:58:00.002-07:00

Wednesday's are usually super long. I work all day with two of my favorite people and then I get to hang out with some pretty great girls in the evening. The day usually just kind of goes by, and I get into a routine and put auto-pilot on and do the day. At the end of the day I just want to come home and relax. Unfortunately I needed to study for a test but not before I watched America's Funniest Home Video's. It was a Halloween episode and for some reason there were alot of outdoor animal clips. My joy for day 6 was watching baby moose on AFV walk around all clumsy. It reminded me of when I was driving across Canada and drove right past this funny baby moose running along the highway. He was SO silly and it looked like he JUST learned to walk. The video's made me laugh and snapped me out of auto-pilot.

Day 5

2010-01-19T19:28:00.006-07:00

Day 5 was pretty normal. I went to class, went out for coffee with a friend and then out to lunch with another friend. I just got my wires changed on my braces so I didn't sleep well and my mouth was so sore. Eating was a chore in fact, and when I went out for lunch I looked so silly trying to eat. By the time my friend was done her lunch I had barely eaten a piece of my lunch. After my pathetic attempt at eating I came home and was able to sit in front of the TV and watch shows I don't get to see very often. My joy today was being able to take some time to watch TLC for a little bit. What a great way to end the day!

Day 4

2010-01-19T19:28:00.005-07:00

What an interesting and busy day. I literally felt like I didn’t have time to catch my breath from one activity to the other. I went from class to the dentist to work and then straight downtown. I felt like my legs were going on super speed and it wasn’t until I went to bed that my mind and body caught up with my legs.
As I came home from my busy day I was on the phone with a friend from Ontario… ranting about something and as I walked from my car to my house I looked up at the moon. As I saw the sliver of moon shining down on me I was reminded of the cat from Alice in Wonderland. You know the cat I mean… when he smiles it’s just a little sliver and it looks like the moon and then this car appears. I don’t remember much from Alice in Wonderland but I do remember that cat. As I stopped to look at the moon I was reminded of when life felt so much simpler. I couldn’t help but smiles and feel joy in the midst of a busy, kind of stressful day. I also got to hold the Olympic torch that passed through Medicine Hat. That's excitement and happiness right there!

Day 2 and Day 3

2010-01-17T20:10:00.001-07:00

Today is day two of my littler experiment. For those of you out there who don’t know what I’m doing here’s what I posted about the experiment on facebook: I was thinking today about my day. It wasn't bad, there were bad parts to it, but it also wasn't the best day of my life. As I thought about my day I realized that I often go through my days without finding anything meaningful, positive, funny, or joyful in the situations I encountered. So, I've decided to take ten days to find the positive, humour, meaning and joy in my days. I will be writing a blog daily (unless there isn't enough time for a blog one day), and writing about what I have found. Life has become so mundane and frustrating lately and I've found myself in a bit of a funk. It's been weeks since I've felt like myself and I decided it's time to feel like myself again. I'm hoping that this little project will allow me to find me again. Even if it doesn't I had ten days of finding joy in sometimes difficult situations.
Today was a pretty uneventful day and as I sat down to write this blog I struggled to find something about for today’s blog. I struggled because today was a pretty normal day, and there isn’t too much to tell you about. I can tell you that I did have a little bit of a frustrating situation today. I’m leaving for New Zealand in a little over 3 months. Both my cousin and I were chosen to do our practicums internationally and we’re both headed to NZ. There’s a lot to get done before we go, and I’ve been most of the work. It’s super frustrating. So, anyway, that’s what frustrated me, and I was in a bit of a foul mood so I decided to shop.
Shopping while you’re upset is not the best idea. I always end up buying things I shouldn’t and usually end up taking everything back. Knowing this about myself I was careful when shopping this time. As I pulled up to Market Mall it was as if a light shone on Home Sense. I skipped the mall and went right to Home Sense. Of course, I tried to find a spot as close to the front door as possible, and when I found one I made a fool of myself trying to park. It looked like it was my first time driving and I had no idea what the size of my car was. Anyway. I got inside, looked around, and carried around a few things I didn’t need for a bit until…. THE SHEETS! I LOVE nice sheets! The higher the thread count the better. I looked at the sheets they had and chose out some nice burnt orange, 500 thread count glorious sheets at a great price. I decided to put the other things I had in my hands back and went to cash out. As I walked towards the cash register I discovered more sheets… and … they… were… on… SALE! JOY! I walked out of the store with beautiful 600 thread count sheets. Seriously people… you have to try great sheets. It’s like sleeping in butter! What better way to take my mind off of being frustrated than finding amazing sheets on sale. I went home, washed my sheets and after cleaning my room today I put them on my bed. Day two and day three of my experiment are connected. Day two I bought AMAZING sheets and on day three I put those sheets on my bed and I get to sleep in them tonight! Beautiful.

Day 1

2010-01-16T01:02:00.001-07:00

Today was a pretty normal day. I went to class, did some running around, took a nap, went to Ikea and hung out with some new friends. All in all nothing out of the ordinary happened today, but that would mean my ten day experiment wouldn’t really be effective if I didn’t actually try the experiment.
I’m a little psycho about the tires on my car. I ALWAYS pop them… I go through quite a few a year and for some reason I’m terrified of them flying off my car as I drive. I often stop in at tire places to have them check my tires to make sure they’re on my care nice and tight. I haven’t done that for a while, and have been freaking out about it a little big lately. Today was no different. I was getting really worried about my tires and the whole way home I was just waiting for the moment they fell off and I had to figure out what to do next. I pictured watching my tires rolling down Deerfoot and my car stopping dead in its tracks. I got home fine, not problems, but I decided I wouldn’t drive my car again until I tightened my lug nuts (I think they’re called). So, I went out with my dad, came home and before unloading the truck I went out to my car and started tightening. I wasn’t excited about this. It was cold out and I looked a little like a damsel in distress. I was just finishing the first tire when a car pulled over to ask if I needed help. I felt a little silly because I knew why I was out there. So anyway, these people asked if I needed help and is said I was fine, but they said if I as sure. Once they asked the second time I told them exactly why I was out there. Why? I’m not sure. They laughed at me, and looked at me like I was crazy ( at this point I felt super crazy) and said bye and drove off. I watched as they drove down my street and parked in their driveway… 3 houses down from mine. Great, not only do these people think I’m crazy, they are my neighbors. If they didn’t live that close to me it wouldn’t have been a nig deal… in fact, I probably wouldn’t have seen them again. I could have been embarrassed, and decided to try and avoid those people, but that wouldn’t be finding the positive in the situation. So, I tightened the rest of my tires and began to think about the situation.
I couldn’t believe people actually stopped to make sure I was ok. Most people would jut keep driving. We’re busy and helping someone would cut into our time. When those people stopped they reminded me that people are, generally, good and will take time to be selfless. Not everyone will do that, but there are still people out there that are good. The other thing I took from the situation is that at least now I know one of my neighbors and they won’t soon be forgetting me. I mean, how can you forget the crazy girl out in the cold tightening her tired up because she’s afraid they might fall off. There is no reason for this girl to think her tires will fall off, but she thinks there is a chance of them just coming off. So I’ve learned that there are still good people out there, and I met my neighbor and they won’t forget who I am!

The End.

2010-01-06T00:30:00.000-07:00

It's finished... it's over... it's done...

I'm free.

Emotional Rollercoaster

2010-01-02T19:21:00.004-07:00

Someone who hurt me really bad decided they want back into my life today. You know, people of the blog reading world, I’m a pretty forgiving person. It’s one of the things about me that I like. I’m not always forgiving, no one’s perfect, but I am more often than not, forgiving.... that's just who I am.

My question is, how badly does someone have to hurt you before enough is enough? How deep and painful do the wounds need to be? After the third or fourth time of someone intentionally causing you emotional harm, don’t you think one wouldn’t want them in their life anymore? How many times can one forgive before it becomes unhealthy?

Unfortunately for me I have this problem where I care and love deeply and choose to see that best in people. At some point, though, I am going to have to figure this whole loving and caring deeply, seeing the best in people, and making sure I protect myself out. I can't allow my world to get turned upside down anymore. I'm worth more than that.

Prayer For 2010

2010-01-01T03:22:00.005-07:00

This is my prayer for 2010.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdoms cause
As I walk from nothing to earth into Eternity

[Hosanna Bridge - Hillsong]

The Truth About New Years

2009-12-31T12:07:00.000-07:00

As I logged onto Facebook this morning I wondered how many people posted something about New Years as their status’. People are predictable, and there were many people with “Happy New Years” or “Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010” posted for all to see in their news feeds. There were people waving goodbye to 2009, and embracing all 2010 has to offer. I can’t help but wonder though what a date change has to do with life/circumstances magically changing. What does the clock changing from December 31st, 2009, to January 1st 2010 have to do with the fact that you’re in debt, you had a rough year, or you’re going to get into shape. Let’s be honest here people, your debt follows you, things still might be rough for a bit and really, only you can take steps towards changing that, and you’ll probably eat healthy and work out for three weeks and then you’ll starts saying “I’ll go tomorrow” and tomorrow never comes and you’re stuck paying for a gym membership for a year. Realistically, a date change doesn’t mean much unless people are truly willing to make a change in the things they didn’t like about the previous year, and let’s be honest… change is HARD. Sure, the promise of a brand new year leaves people with the feeling of endless hope and promise, but the reality is, 2010 will be just like 2009, with different people, different events, and different happenings, but everything will stay the same unless one is willing to take the steps in making change. It’s easy to sit back and believe that a date change is going to make everything better, but nothing it going to change unless you want it to, and you work to make it change.

The Most Wonderful Time…

2009-12-25T22:49:00.000-07:00

It doesn’t feel like Christmas. I’ve heard many people say that. I’m not sure what it is. There’s snow on the ground, Christmas music everywhere, the same old movies on TV, and stores littered with Christmas bargains, and yet… it doesn’t feel magical like it used to. Maybe it’s because I’m older and the joy and magic of Christmas is gone. When you’re young all you know is there is a Santa Clause and you wake up on Christmas morning and he has brought you gifts. As a child you don’t understand the process of buying gifts, fighting holiday crowds and the worry of money most adults feel when trying to make Christmas special for their children. For many years I’ve been well aware of the cost of things and the amount of stress my mom has been under when it comes to Christmas. Being a single-mother, my mom hasn’t had a lot of money to go over and above at Christmas time, but she always does. She usually starts buying stuff in the middle of the year when things are on sale, or when she has a little bit of extra money. That was how she did it when my brother and I were young. My mom has always been a thrifty shopper, and has always given my brother and I more than we could have ever asked for at Christmas time. Now that we’re older she still goes over and above, but she doesn’t need to. This year I didn’t really want anything for Christmas. Usually I know what I want months in advance, but this year I just didn’t want anything. My mom asked me for weeks and weeks what I wanted, and I didn’t want anything. To be honest, I didn’t want her to spend money on me because I know that things are tough with the way the economy is right now. In fact, my mom wanted to get a second job in order to be able to do Christmas. Gifts are nice, but they’re not needed. Honestly, I would have rather not had any gifts. When I was opening my gifts this morning I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I was getting stuff I knew my mom couldn’t really afford. I felt guilty because I knew it was probably really hard for her to get me what she did and I knew she wished she was able to get more and she thought she didn’t do enough. If my mom didn’t get me anything that would have been more than ok. I also felt guilt because there are people who don’t have a family, or anyone to celebrate Christmas with, and I was surrounded by people. Although there were people all around me, I felt very alone. It’s a feeling I can’t really explain, but I felt guilty for feeling that way.
Christmas is supposed to be about love, and Jesus, and being with the people you care about, and it didn’t feel that way. We really have made Christmas into a huge commercial event. There are people in this world who have nothing and they’re way happier and more satisfied with their lives than I am. How sad is that? I have everything I could ever want/need and I’m not completely satisfied with my life. I have a roof over my head, a car that works, I’m getting an education, I’m going to see a dream come true this May, and I have people in my life who love me, and yet there’s still something in my life that doesn’t feel right. I’ve been thinking about it lately, and I can’t put my finger on why I feel this way. Maybe I’ll figure it out, maybe I won’t. All I know is I don’t want to be unsatisfied with my life. I have no reason

Boys and Men

2009-12-09T13:46:00.002-07:00

Mean What You Say

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about relationships in the last few days and about why guys do what they do. You know what I mean girls, and I know you’ve thought this at least once in your life no matter how amazing the men in your life are. There are guys out there who do the most bizarre, crazy, stupid things, and think those things are ok, or aren’t bizarre, crazy or stupid at all. My favorite is when a guy does something stupid and they absolutely cannot see how it was wrong or unreasonable. I also wonder if guys think about the things they are doing and saying before they say them. It’s so wonderful to hear things like “I wouldn’t have started a relationship with you if I didn’t see a future for us, or “ You give me more than anyone I have ever been with. You are more than enough”, but do those things mean anything, or do they say them in the moment without a second thought? Now, it must sound like I’m crazy, I mean, if a guy is feeling that then he should say it, but see my other side here. When a girl says something to a guy she cares about, she has thought about it, and second guessed herself, and wondered if she should tell him and if he will feel the same way. Take for instance the phrase “I think I’m falling in love with you”. When a girl says that, she more than likely has been thinking about it for days, and wondering if what she’s feeling is that she is falling in love with the guy she is with, or if it’s something else. She waits to be sure this she is certain she is falling in love with the guy before she says anything. She doesn’t want to say she is falling in love with him, and not mean it because she cares about him and his feelings and doesn’t want to lead him on. I think sometimes guys say things, and in the moment they mean them, but they haven’t put much thought into what they are saying, and what it means to the person they are saying it to. Guys need to think a lot longer and harder about the things they say to us girls before they say them so that when they say them, they are saying them with some weight behind them, because when the girl hears those nice, wonderful, beautiful things, she hears them and they are meaningful to her and therefore have weight to them for her. If a guy isn’t going to mean it in 3 weeks and only said it because he felt it for a second, that will be more detrimental to the girl than not telling her. Yes we want to hear those nice, amazing, beautiful, wonderful things, but we want to hear them if they really mean something and if they hold weight to them. When a guy tells a girl he loves and cares for her it’s not just a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling that she hears in the moment and then forgets about. When a guy says he loves and cares for the girl he is with, she hears “I love you and I’m committed to you and want more than anything to be with you”. Do guys actually think about the words they are saying before they say them, and what they mean to the person they are saying them to? When a guy “jokes around” about marriage do they know they’re giving the girl they are with hear that and believe the guy is considering long-term with them? Once a guy starts talking about marriage, joking or not, we start thinking about it too. No matter what, there little part of us that thinks it will actually happen and this person actually wants to spend the rest of their life with me. We start picturing our lives together, and wondering what our new last names will sound like and if it’ll sound good with our first and middle names. We start naming our children and picking out the girls we want to be in our bridal party, and thinking about who our flower girl and ring bearer will be. This leads me to my next point…

Commitment

This notion scares the crap out of guys… let me rephrase that… this notion scares the crap out of boys. It’s all good for boys to be in a relationship with someone when things are light and fun, but as soon as it becomes serious, a little bit of work, and they have to be a little more selfless then they have been in the past, guys run! Now what happens when the girl is just going with the flow…the flow and pace the guy set… and he tells her he loves her and sees a future with her, and tells her he needs her? Chances are the girl thinks you are really committed to her. She will also think you’re committed to her if you say things to her like “You mean more to me than you’ll ever know” and if the guy makes plans… that causes girls to think you intend on sticking around... thus you are committed to them. The worst is when a guy plans for future events…let’s say it’s September and he is making plans for August of the next year. That’s a whole year away, but he still makes plans, and thinks about those plans, and starts to add details to those plans. When that happens, the girl starts to believe you are committed to her, and to being with her. Part of that commitment is sticking it out, and fighting for her and your relationship. This is another part of commitment boys don’t really understand... it also falls under the “little bit of work” category.

Little Bit of Work

When a guy and a girl first start liking each other there is some anticipation and fun involved. The guy pursues the girl (something he should ALWAYS do, even when marriage is involved. This doesn’t have to be hard or cost a lot, or any, money, but it should never stop), he gets her, he says nice stuff to her, she thinks he’s committed, and then he realizes there is work involved. NEWS FLASH TO ALL THE BOYS OUT THERE: anything worth having take a little bit of freaken work! None of us would be where we are today if we just stood around and let everyone else work for us. I’m sure some people have done that, and if they have I can’t help but wonder if they see the value in the things they have in life… anyway, that’s a totally different topic. Back to the boys. Relationships are difficult at times. You’re taking two people and bringing them together and their lives together. They both have things going on in their lives… whether that be family stuff, school, work, medical issues, all of the above… everyone has something in their lives. You’re bringing together two different sets of values, beliefs, morals, cultures etc. You’re bringing two people with history’s and story’s about how they got to where they are now, two people with different dating history’s and different pains and lessons learned form those history’s. You’re taking all those things, and more, and bringing them together and you just expect it to work out perfectly? That’s not even close to realistic. You have to put some effort in, and talk about things and work through things, and sometimes you fight, but you work through it because you mean something to each other. What really separates the boys from the men is whether or not he is willing to work through stuff, and work through it regardless. This means when life gets stressful, you don’t just give up and end things because it’s easier, or you just don’t feel like it anymore. This means you fight against the things that are trying to keep you apart from her because you told her you loved her and saw a future together. This means you stand up, show some integrity, and you fight, because she matters to you. No matter how much is going on in life, you want to be with her because she is good to you, and good for you, and you’re a better person for being with her. Now, if she isn’t good for you and you’re no better now than when you started dating her, you might want to look into that a little. But if you can look at your life and honestly say she is the best thing that has ever happened to you, and compared to any of the other girls you have dated she gives you what you want and need and more, she shows you love and respect and you are honestly a better person, you’ve got something good there buddy.

What also separates the boys from the men is that they recognize this, and they fight because they don’t think they will ever find someone as amazing as her. It doesn’t matter what is going on in your life, if she is amazing, and she is standing beside you and walking with you through life, even when things aren’t great, you’ve got it made. If she is with you despite your flaws, or the things that drive her crazy about you, and she is willing to work through those things, no matter what they are (loud chewer, stressed about school or work, commitment issues) you’ve got an amazing woman. This also means you have to do some work too, because unfortunately, no matter how amazing she is, she isn’t perfect. She also has issues, and things that drive you crazy, but you work through those things because you care about her, because you see a future with her, you wanted so badly to be with her and you pursued her and were persistent in that no matter how much she resisted. This also means you work with her through things you may not want to because it “isn’t your issue”. When you decide to bring someone into your life, and you say things to her that cause her to think you’re committed to her, or are actually committed to her, you work through those things. Relationships are about give and take, and about equal give and take. This means you have to be selfless sometimes, and give a little bit even when you don’t think you can. This shows her you are considering her and her feelings.

Making a commitment, meaning what you say, fighting and standing a stand for your girl and your relationship and showing some integrity is what separates the boys from the men. If you have an amazing woman standing in with you, willing to be with you despite your flaws, your issues, and is willing to work with you through those things, you need to hold onto her. If she gives you everything you need and have ever wanted and more, hold onto her. If you don’t you may one day regret it, and regret ending things because you were a little afraid of committing and fighting for her and your relationship. Chances are she was afraid of commitment too, and it scared her to think that you cared about her so much. Sometimes, boys, you only have someone amazing, who makes you a better person, and gives you everything you want, need, and more, come along once in a lifetime. Remember that before you decide to end something wonderful because it’s easier.

Normal

2009-09-27T23:46:00.002-06:00

I went with my friend Alison to a youth retreat she was speaking at this weekend. I loved being able to be part of something she loves doing, and something she is so good at. After she spoke on Friday, and we hung out with the group, we went back to the lodge to get ready for bed. As I sat on the bathroom counter flossing my teeth (which takes 15 minutes now that my mouth is full of metal… super annoying), I stared at myself, and the only thing I thought was “In this moment, I feel so normal”. I don’t think there is really such thing as “normal” to be honest. I think it’s a standard we, as society, have created and expect people to live up to, but people rarely do. The thing is, we are all broken, and damaged, hurt, bruised people. “Normal” is something I have never felt… in fact, I’ve often thought I was too broken or too damaged to ever feel normal. In that moment in the mirror, I felt beautiful, and happy, and strangely complete. I guess that’s my normal. Perhaps normal isn’t something society or people should be determining for others, but what we should be determining for our own lives. We each have a different story to tell, and what’s normal to me, isn’t normal to the next person. Maybe we all have a skewed view of what normal is. Sometimes life is hard, and that’s normal, and sometimes it’s extremely beautiful, and that’s normal too. All I know is that in that moment in the mirror I felt at peace, it felt normal, and I liked feeling normal… if only for a minute.

Illusions

2009-08-07T23:42:00.003-06:00

The word illusion means a false idea or belief. If we’re really honest with ourselves we can look at our lives and see one, and probably more than one, illusion we have. I think one of the biggest ones I have is the illusion that everyone else’s lives are perfect, and that they are truly happy, never facing hard times, and if they do they have people who come around them and lift them up all the time. See the truth is, I believe, people aren’t really as happy and the story their pictures tell.

Looking at facebook can be very deceptive. When talking with a friend some time ago, I believe the credit for this goes to Jenna P, she told me a story. I won’t detail the story but basically she said that a girl whom she hadn’t talked to in a while made a comment about her life. Jenna than said something along the lines of “she is just seeing pictures of the happy moments of my life”. How true is that?! When do we post pictures of times we are struggling just to make it through another day, or times we feel so broken and shattered we can barely function well enough to get ourselves out of bed? I have had people comment on my life, and how wonderful it is, but the truth is, I wouldn’t call my life wonderful. Am I really blessed? Yes. Do I recognize that I would be a VERY different person than I am today without the immense grace of the big God I serve. YES! But does that mean things have been, or are, easy. Do I recognize that I do sometimes have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, or that I just barely make it through some of the days I face? Those things can often become part of my reality, and it is difficult for me not to get caught up in, or swept away with, the beauty that seems to be the lives of those around me. You know, my friends are happily married, and are beginning to start families, and are excited about these families, and have friends who are super supportive of them, and call them, and want to hang out with them… but is this really reality? For some people, yeah I think so, but for many, they are facing silent storms, and just like me, often struggle to make it through another day. So where, and when, does this illusion end? I don’t have an answer to that… I haven’t figured that part out yet.

I still daily struggle to understand people, and struggle to understand why my life doesn’t seem as perfect as other people’s lives appear. I do know that at some point I am going to have to stand strong on the fact that this illusion I have been living under is a lie, and people aren’t living perfect lives, with happy little families who never struggle, and so many friends who love and support them they don’t even know what to do with themselves sometimes. I know that at some point I’m going to have to accept that life is hard, and nothing or no one is perfect, and that life will continually fail, disappoint and discourage me. I know this last statement to be true, and yet I still live under the illusion that ALL people are good (this isn’t the case), and that life, and people, won’t always fail and disappoint me. Maybe I just need to believe, for a little bit longer, that change is possible, and people can, and will, live up to the words they speak…the words that tell the story of who they are, and what they believe, what they stand for, and most importantly that the people they say they are match up with the actions they do.

Self-Care

2009-07-18T23:55:00.003-06:00

One of the things my instructors tried to teach our class this year is the importance of self-care. In order to not burn out, and be effective, it’s key to ensure you aren’t working yourself to the bone, and taking time to rest, and do things you love. I’m not good at self-care. That word is foreign to me. I go until I am so done I can’t continue. I allow myself to get beat down, discouraged, broken and defeated before I even consider taking a break.

One of the things my instructors tried to teach our class this year is the importance of self-care. In order to not burn out, and be effective, it’s key to ensure you aren’t working yourself to the bone, and taking time to rest, and do things you love. I’m not good at self-care. That word is foreign to me. I go until I am so done I can’t continue. I allow myself to get beat down, discouraged, broken and defeated before I even consider taking a break.

I am currently working at a church as their Day Camp Director. I love my job, honestly I do, and I’m not just saying that because someone from work may read this. I work with really great people, and have been able to see how a team can work when people with different gifts are able to use their gifts and grow in them. I’ve been able to see what a team is supposed to look like. I have an amazing boss who supports me, and wants the best for not only the camps I am running, but for me as well. The team I work with directly is strong, and supportive of each other, and isn’t catty or full of people who are looking out for themselves, but is cooperative. I have had much support with planning day camps, and have felts as though each person had helped make day camps what it is.

Even with their support and help, this first week of camp was HARD. I didn’t feel like I did my job well at all. Due to circumstances, I was more stressed than anything, and found it difficult to enjoy my job, and the children who were there, and it really wore me out. I came home from work yesterday and went straight to bed. I was asleep by 8:30. Out like a light. I woke up this morning feeling like I was out partying the night before and for those of you who know me well, you know that I was definitely not out partying. I had an appointment to get a pedicure with a friend and I was so exhausted I didn’t even want to do that. You know that feeling after you have just gone on a long walk, or run, and are physically exhausted? I felt like that, but add in the emotional and mental exhaustion. I was DONE. But, I went to the pedicure, and before I left I decided today was going to be a whole day devoted to me.

With the exception of a few times I started to think about work, or think about doing a work related task, I had a me day. After the pedicure (which was amazing), I went out for lunch, and went shopping alone. Spent some time at home, went to a reception, then out for dinner with a good friend and his crazy friend (seriously made me laugh a lot), then spent most of the evening driving around Calgary. I didn’t realize how much I push myself until we were driving around and I tried to remember the last time I just drove, with no purpose or agenda, and just got in my car and drove. It hasn’t happened for probably 2 years or more. After driving, and having a few good chats, we went to see a friend play at a little café, and then I went home.

At the end of today I felt good. Relaxed, and rested. I’ve discovered the importance of self-care, and need to work on taking days for myself more often. If there is one thing I can encourage people to do is take a day for themselves and do something you love. Go to a park and read, get a massage, spend the afternoon with a friend, write a song. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do something for yourself.

Privilege not Right

2009-07-14T20:34:00.001-06:00

I hate texting. Yes, I have written a blog about this before, but there are other reasons why I hate texting. I also hate facebook chat… and well.. any other chat system for that matter. Any of these “chat” systems basically give us a sense of control. We get to really think about what we’re going to say before we say it (this is more other than not a good thing), but it also allows up the opportunity to ignore someone. Without saying anything (literally), we’re telling people they don’t matter, or are not important enough to respond to. I’ve been guilty of not answering text messages, I will admit, but I do try to respond to all texts, and messages on facebook or msn or aim, when they come in.

There have been times I have sent people a text and they either haven’t responded (this happens A LOT with the same people over and over. You think I would learn… I have still yet to learn the lesson with these people), or they respond days later.

When chatting on facebook, we just ignore people. Yes… I have been guilty of this. With a recent situation stewing, I have come to realize some things: I don’t want people to feel how I feel now, and what message I am sending to people by not responding. As I said before, when we don’t respond we say, “you’re not important”, “what you have to say isn’t worth enough for me to pay any attention to you”, or “I have more important things to do than talk to you”. If we were standing in front of someone and they were speaking to us, or asked us a question, would we just walk away (I know many people do, but it’s super rude and we wouldn’t want to be known as “that person”).

I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder then words. We cannot tell someone we care about them, or believe in them, or are there for them, and then ignore them when they try and contact us. Now, I understand it’s difficult to always respond, but when it’s more often that someone feels ignored, there is a problem. It’s confusing for someone to tell you you’re important to them, and then ignore them when they try to talk to you.

Friendship and mentorship are both two-way streets. It takes two to be in a friendship, and being someone’s mentor means contacting them, and actually being there for them when they need you… or just want to hang out. I’m not sure when having a cell phone, facebook, msn, aim, or any other form of communication became something that we used to have control in our lives, and not something used to keep in contact with those we are in relationship with, but something has got to change people!

We all have people in our lives that are more difficult to be in relationship with. And although it’s draining to care for them, there is probably a reason they are in our lives for a reason. We should recognize it’s a privilege to have people in our lives who love us, and who we can pour into and care for, not a right. Not only is it a privilege, it’s also an honor.

Forsaken Coffee

2009-06-25T15:22:00.002-06:00

I was writing a birthday card for a friend in a coffee shop last week when I overheard the people in front of me talking. Yes, I was eavesdropping on their conversation, and I’m glad I did. Now, let’s be honest… you don’t go to a coffee shop to have a private conversation with someone… you have to know someone is listening to you talk. I don’t know the details of the story they were talking about but I do know they were talking about listening to God. These women shared their hearts with each other and stories from their lives, and as one woman told her story she spoke of listening to God and being obedient when He does speak. She told the other woman that she asked God a question and when He responded “no” she listened, and was blessed by being obedient. She also spoke of how great our God is, and how He does fulfill promises He has given us.
Sometimes I forget about promises being fulfilled. I’m very much an “I want it now” person, or a person from, what Pastor Steve calls, “the microwave generation”. I HATE WAITING, and once I get an idea in my mind I usually cannot stop thinking about it until the idea is put into action or I realize it’s just not going to happen (sometimes even then I still can’t stop thinking about it). God isn’t like people. He doesn’t dangle promises in our faces and then rip them away just when we think they’re really going to happen. For a lot of us, this is our experience with people, and because of those experiences we give those same labels to God. In Hebrews 13:5 it tells us that God has said He will “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (NKJV), so why is it that I cannot believe that.
You know, we live in a pretty messed up world, as a whole, and my own personal world is pretty messy as well. There is pain, and hurt, bad days and more disappointment than I can even count, and there is a promise to me, right there in Hebrews… “I will never leave you nor forsake you”… God is telling me He will NEVER leave me. When I’m having a bad day, or I feel like I’m doing life on my own, or that I’m invisible to the world, He is there. WOW!
The word forsake means to abandon, renounce, or give up. There are many things I felt when I looked up the meaning of this word. Warm and fuzzy was not one of them. This word is cold, heartless, and left me with a broken and numb feeling as I reflected on it. As humans we aren’t prefect. We miss up, often, and let’s be honest, we don’t live in a storybook or a Hollywood movie. Nothing is perfect in this world we live in. Relationships fall apart and are dysfunctional. Families don’t stay together as often as they used to. There is war, pain, brokenness, and death everywhere we look. And even though we live in an imperfect world, God will never do to us what we do to each other every day. How is that even possible? How is it that we serve a God who has character beyond anything I can even begin to comprehend?
It’s funny how listening in on a stranger’s coffee shop conversation can cause your life to be challenged, or even changed. It makes me wonder if conversations I’ve had in a coffee shop have changed someone else’s life.

Stuff Stuff Everywhere!

2009-06-15T16:07:00.000-06:00

I have a problem, and apparently admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. My problem doesn’t impact my life any, just the lives of those around me. I, Alaina Jo Wheelan, put my stuff wherever I can find a spot for it. This usually results in my stuff ending up in other people’s personal space. For example… without fail, almost everyday we had class I would sit next to this girl named Chelsea. At some point during the class, whether it was first thing or somehow in the middle of class, my water bottle, pen, half or all my binder, and pencil case would end up on her desk. Eventually she would notice and say “why is all your stuff on my desk?!” as she shoved by stuff back at me. Never would I do this on purpose, but it happened.. and each time she would noticed I would laugh, take my stuff back and go on my merry way. I didn’t actually think I had a problem until I started my new job.
I share an office with two other people. One girl from the Children’s Ministry department, and a guy from the Youth department. My office is in the back corer of the room and I pass by Stephanie’s desk on the way to my desk. Recently I started getting things on my desk with notes on them…”am I supposed to do something with this?”…”is this for me?”.. and such. I was just walking by her desk, putting stuff on it, and then walking to my desk, without realizing what I was doing. Today I left my sunglasses on Stephanie’s desk… I saw them there half way through the morning and decided not to say anything about how I left them there because I didn’t want to get caught leaving my stuff on her desk again. Just before Stephanie left she asked the question I had been trying to avoid all morning…”are these your sunglasses?”… I shamefully said “yes” and she busted out laughing. When she left I noticed I had stuff on Kyle’s desk also.
My name is Alaina Jo Wheelan and I have a problem.

My take on the 2 + 8.

2009-06-08T22:46:00.001-06:00

I know there are probably 65,000 blogs out there and gossip sights about Jon and Kate… and here is one more. Last week I watched the first 3 episodes of Jon and Kate + 8, the new season, with my friend Jenna. I had heard much about these episodes, especially the first one, so I had high expectations. As the episodes progressed I noticed a common theme: both Jon and Kate want the same theme…there is a problem with this however: neither of them are willing to give when it comes to what the other person wants. Both Jon and Kate want what is best for their family, and their children (this is a whole other issue), but it seems as though Jon is done with being in the spot light, and Kate is good to go when it comes to the tv show, and books, and whatever else there is out there all things Gosselin. At one point in one of the episodes Kate says that Jon doesn’t want anything to do with the fans anymore, and she seemed rather puzzled by his wanting to have some privacy in his life. To me, it’s clear that Jon wants his life to be private, and he wants to deal with his issues privately. The poor guy is having a hard time here, and his issues, and family problems are being splashed on magazine covers, all over the net, and through the media like crazy. Let’s give this guy a break! How much more obvious can him wanting his privacy be when he talks about his life and his career being the same thing, and how him leaving his job and staying at home was not something he chose, but was chosen for him. Jon has been taking all the blame for the situation, and is being given all the blame. Then there is Kate… although she is giving all the blame, and seems to be the bad guy when it comes to being away from home, and apparently exploiting her children, however; she is a broken woman. She believed her and Jon were going to beat the odds and not end up another couple with multiples who became divorced. Although they are not divorced, it sure looks as though it is heading that way. I think my most favorite part of the shows I watched was seeing how much Kate has changed in her parenting style. She is so much more laid back, and seems to be enjoying her children more, and freaking out less. Life is hard for that family right now, and the media keeps making money off of it. It’s hard enough to go through what they are going through (and let’s be honest… we don’t know the whole story, we know what the media is telling us). I feel sad for that family. It’s a sad situation. It makes it worse when one of the sextuplets tells her dad she doesn’t want him to leave anymore

The other question that has been raised is what is Jon actually doing? He’s been away so much, and seen out and about, he was snowboarding on Kate’s birthday… what is that man doing to help the situation!? This is what I think… he was young when he and Kate got married, and then had twins, and then had sextuplets… that is stressful! So now, he is living his life how he would have when he was 22. Does that make how he is acting…doing… or not doing? NO… but can you blame the guy? Maybe Jon is trying to find himself.. who he is amongst all this. Who knows, maybe he didn’t know himself before he got married, and then he had a family and kids and LOTS of kids at that.

My second favorite part of watching the first 3 shows was when Jon took the kids out on a walk, and before they left he told one of the girls to put a jacket on… and before she even got the change to whine he said “ a jacket, not a hoodie… a jacket”. I love how well Jon and Kate know their kids. They know their little quirks, and what they like… what they don’t like.. and what they’re going to put up a fight over.

I think these people are doing the best they can do with what they have. All I’m saying is we need to give these people a break. . . and show some grace… and let them be a family, and find healing (if that’s what they want). I love the show, and will continue to watch it.

moving day

2009-06-03T21:32:00.004-06:00

Today I decided to move my blog from tumblr (for now, unless blogger gets too complicated) to here. I have posted the three blogs I have on my tumblr account on here. There are also three other blogs on here. Ignore them. They're from a school project. I mean... you can read them if you want to, but I created this blog originally for school, so I have those posts on here.

txt tlk & :)

2009-06-03T21:32:00.001-06:00

Recently I have had an influx of “text talk” messages come through my phone. These messages are often VERY confusing, as making a word shorter makes sense to the person sending it, but not often the person receiving it. I get the “lol” and using the number 4 (for) and u (you… bet you didn’t catch that one), and even 2nite (tonight), but there are some words out there that shouldn’t be shortened or phrases abbreviated. To be honest, the whole text talk phenomenon takes more time to grasp than just typing out the words. It may take less time for the person texting, but it takes me a while to figure things out when they’re not written out how they would be if you were say…sending an email. All I’m saying is that maybe we should take more time to spell things out… to communicate better. I’m not a great communicator…I’m not even a good communicator, but shortening things, and making things more complicated, while trying to save time, doesn’t help with the lack of effective communication we as a society face.

The other text thing… that dang smiley face! Why is it that little jerk is being sent around? When it’s put in a text, especially at the end of a kind of snooty text, it’s so patronizing. For example… “you’re just going to have to try harder because you did a bad job today, but I know you can do better :)” The smile doesn’t make things better, it doesn’t even come across as someone trying to be nice, it’s just patronizing. I love texting, please don’t get me wrong here, however; the smiley has its place. I’m so bad at text fighting, I’ll be completely honest. It’s easier to fight with someone through text messaging than in person. It’s the same with emails. It’s easier to get out what you need to say through an email instead of in person, where emotions are visibly high and you are in an uncomfortable, and usually awkward, situation. There is nothing wrong with a happy smile, but those stupid smiley face little jerks need to stop showing their faces.

long lost blog

2009-06-03T21:31:00.002-06:00

I recently found this blog I had started writing…
Recently I was talking to a friend about destiny, and about wanting to step into the destiny that God has for our lives, and just wanting to step into it now already! I have often felt very frustrated with this… just wanting to step into my destiny and wanting all the things that God has for me, and wanting it without going through the process that is important to be able to step into my destiny. My pastor has often talked about the microwave generation, wanting things now and not wanting to wait for things. What is better then a roast that has been cooked in a slow cooker all day people?! Honestly. Why is it that when we want something, we want it right now? I don’t think many of us realize that there is much to learn in the process of waiting, but I think that we realize that there is pain in waiting, there could be hurt, and disappointment, because when we wait, we learn and we grow. Who wants to sit back and wait for God to throw us into our destinies, and go through days and days, sometimes even months or years, of pain? It does not sound like my idea of fun, but there is something that I have learned through the process of waiting: Jesus is not going to put on His red action hero cape, press play on His boom-box to cue his action hero music, and swoop down and pull me out of the process I am in. All of our processes look different. Some of them are messy, some of them are hard, some of them have more pain then you think you can bare, but whatever your process looks like, it is yours, and it is important. I have never learned anything in my life by someone pulling me out of the mess I am in, and I will never learn anything if I expect that to happen. It is in the times that I wait, and the times that I feel like I am in a dessert that I learn the most. I learn about my God, and His love, His faithfulness, His grace…. and I cannot say that there was ever a time, when I was in a season of waiting, that I learned nothing. I am by no means saying that I have mastered the art of waiting, but I am saying that there is beauty in waiting. Why would God give us, and place us into the destines He has for us, if we don’t know what to do with them once we are there? Let’s say you are called into ministry, and you hate the season of waiting, the season where God is going to teach you the most, and you just want to jump into helping people and ministering to them. What can you offer to them? Have you taken the time, something that God was trying to give to you, to work through hurts, or pains from the past? Have you taken the time to learn to listen to Him, to learn His voice, to know His heart, and to love Him without wavering? These are things that I am still learning, and they aren’t easy things to know. Maybe for some people it’s something they catch right away, but it’s been a long process for me, and a lot of waiting. I have recently learned a lot of things about my process, especially with being frustrated with just wanting to be free, and restored, and wanting to walk wholly with my God. I have learned that I will not be able to step into my destiny until I have dealt with the issues I am facing, especially the hurts that I have from church, or leaders… just people in general. There are pains and scars from things I don’t even want to admit hurt me. I guess it makes it too real, too raw, too vulnerable. I also have learned that there are cycles that we get caught up in… things that we might not eve realize have us caught up in a cycle. For me, I wasn’t aware of the cycle, or the pattern, I was caught up in until someone recently pointed it out to me. Until I face the pattern that had begun to define me, and until I am able to allow people to walk with me, I might find myself in this place for a long time. I have tried to do life alone for far too long, and it’s time that I ask for help, and allow people to walk with me. I by no means want anyone to fix me, or save me, that is not their job. It is up to be to decided if I want to walk in restoration and freedom, and only Jesus can save me, fix me, and deliver me. I don’t know if anything I have typed makes any sense at all, or if the thought I have written even flow together… these are just some random thoughts put together.

"Little Hispanic Boy"

2009-06-03T21:30:00.000-06:00

I was recently out on a walk and made a stop in at the local Starbucks with my little friend Declan, he’s 2 1/2. He was sitting in a chair waiting for me to get his “vanilla milk” when a little girl walked up to him and began talking to him… this was fine and I just watched to make sure nothing got out of hand (sometimes things go from ok to a full out war with kids, and it can take a matter of seconds). As I watched the little girl got pretty close to his face, but no one was upset, however, the little girls mom pulled her away. She looked around for whoever was with the little boy, and once she caught my eye she smiled, I grabbed my and Declan’s drinks and went to sit with him. As I sat down the mom told me a story of a trip her and her family had recently taken to San Francisco. One day, while waiting for the trolly, her daughter and a little boy were dancing when all of a sudden he leaned in and kissed her right on the lips. The woman then said to me “I’m not usually a germaphobe but HELLO swine flu”. I just looked at her, and she leaned in real close and said very quietly “and he was a little hispanic boy”. I think I must of had a completely shocked look on my face because she let off an extremely nervous laugh, gathered her kids, and left.

It’s been a few days since that event, and I still can’t help but wonder how people can be so ignorant and arrogant. I do not exempt myself from this statement, as I too am, and can be both ignorant and arrogant. However, I cannot say I can remember a time when I allowed myself to be either of those things with a stranger. A woman I do not know showed me who she was, she showed me a part of her I’m not sure she would share with many. I could be wrong by that statement, but why wouldn’t she? I mean, I’m pretty safe, she will probably never see me again, so why not?

I will not lie. When situations like this happen a little piece of me loses faith in humanity. I know there are good people, but for some reason there need to be so much good to restore a tiny bit of that faith I once had. Why is that? Why is it that one negative instance creates so much doubt, and yet so many people do amazing, selfless, courageous acts each day, all in the name of helping someone else, and the negative situations are the ones that stick out. I do not have an answer, but perhaps I will seek an answer out.

Laying it all out on the line

2008-10-30T16:14:00.000-06:00

Date: October 30, 2008

Name: Alaina Wheelan

When communicating to an audience I do not know, a few thoughts run through my mind. First I wonder if they can tell how nervous I actually am. Second, I wonder if picturing them in their underwear actually helps with being nervous. I find that I get giddy, and often find I am unable to control my laughter, maybe it’s because I’m really nervous, maybe it’s because I’m not confident about the thing or issue I am communicating about. However, there are times I am nervous and composed, and I find myself able to speak clearly about the topic at hand. Those times are when I am speaking about something I am passionate about or believe very strongly in, and no matter the audience I find I communicate better when I am speaking about something that is close to my heart.
Recently, when taping an interview with a classmate I found I was really able to open up to her, and it was easy for me to do so. I did, however, think that it was only going to be her and our instructor watching the video, but after we finished taping she decided that she wanted to use the video for an upcoming class presentation, instead of for her final project. This automatically sent me into panic mode, as I didn’t want the world knowing my issues, trials, and pain. Looking back I realize that I was only able to get to the point that I could open up to her after we had spend a lot of time together, and if I look back on times that I went to see a counsellor, I was only able to be truly honest and open with them after spending a few sessions talking about the issues in my life that were kind of irrelevant to the reason as to why I was there. I think that clients could also feel the same way about opening up and being honest with me. It’s hard to jump into a relationship with someone when you don’t know that person from a hole in the ground. I also think that a client could be very nervous about even just seeing a counsellor, let alone sharing issues that they face.
I think that, for some clients, it might be a huge invasion of privacy for them, knowing that I am reading personal information about him or her in their file. Some clients might take comfort in the fact that they don’t have to be open and share their lives with yet another person, and I’m sure some clients won’t care either way. It all depends on the situation and the client. I think that if I take time to understand the client and build a relationship with them, over time them opening up to me, and them knowing I know things about them they didn’t tell me, might be easier for them then it would be at first.

Culture

2008-10-01T18:36:00.001-06:00

Date: October 1, 2008

Name: Alaina Wheelan

I have often watched the way that people in different cultures interact and communicate with each other and it has always been something that I find really fascinating. Growing up I suppose I was totally oblivious to the fact that there were differences in the way that difference cultures communicate. I was naïve, and clueless and didn’t see that not everyone was like me. But now that I am older, I see some of the obvious differences, and am curious about the not so obvious differences. I know that along the way I will more than likely run into obstacles when it comes to communicating with people from different cultures. There could be a language barrier, or a barrier because of traditions, or a barrier because I’m a female and in some traditions and cultures that could be a huge obstacles. I know that as long as I make myself aware of some of these potentially huge obstacles that I could do ok. I know that it’s important for me to research these sorts of things as well and to not walk into a situation blind and arrogant. Although there are people who live here in Canada that have come here either recently or have been here for a long time, and are adapting to our way of life and the way we work, I know that I still need to educate myself on cultural differences that may arise. I know how frustrating it can be for me when I don’t understand what someone is saying because I don’t understand him or her, because of an accent or because of something that isn’t culturally accepted here. This is frustrating for me, so I can only imagine how upsetting it could be to someone who has an accent I don’t understand, and they keep having to repeat themselves, or if I keep asking about a tradition or a cultural difference and they don’t want to take the time to explain it. Also, there are things that are culturally normal for us, like shaking someone’s hand when you meet him or her, which may not be a cultural norm for someone else. I think though, however, that a lot of people try to adapt to what is normal for us here, as much as possible, but I know will still need to be aware. Something else that could be a potential issue is working with a young person who’s a first generation Canadian, living in a house with parents who grew up with strong traditions and wants their child to follow those traditions as well. This could pose a problem because I want to respect the parents and their traditions but also the child as well, and if the child wants nothing to do with those things then I need to figure out how to work around that. I think that could potentially be the hugest obstacle I might face. I’m not too sure how I would deal with this issue, but I would have to deal with it when it happens. I will also need to see whom I am working with, because I would probably deal with the situation depending on whom I’m working with. When listening to someone, I need to be sure that I listen fully, and am not thinking of the next question I am going to ask or day dreaming, sometimes that happens. My communication style is assertive and it may come off, to someone from a different culture who isn’t used to someone being assertive with him or her, as aggressive, so I need to make sure that I am aware of that. I just need to be in constant awareness of what’s going on around me with the people I am working with, whether there is a cultural difference or not.

Thoughts and Communication

2008-09-22T22:35:00.002-06:00

Date: September 22, 2008

Name: Alaina Wheelan

As I sit here and evaluate my thoughts on becoming an interviewer and working with young people as a helper, I realize that I have a mixture of feelings and emotions, some that make sense, some I do no understand at all. My first set of feelings involve fear and anxiety, both feelings I have felt before when entering into something unknown, something new. I know these feelings all too well it seems, but each time I feel anxious or am afraid of a new situation, it’s as though the feelings I feel are new, like I’ve never felt them before. Nervousness soon follows the feelings of anxiety and fear. It’s always nerve wracking when you start something new, especially when that something hands you a whole lot of responsibility. I’m not afraid of responsibility, and I like to think I’m a responsibility person, but I find it takes times to adjust to new responsibility, especially when it’s a huge amount of responsibility. My feelings then turn into excitement. I’m excited to start something new, although scary, something that I have dreamed of and hoped for for so long. For a long time I have worked with and walked along side young people but have always felt under qualified, as though I was walking blindfolded on a winding path. But, as I sit here working through my thoughts and feelings I am, most of all, relieved to finally be training on how to work with young people, and training on how to serve young people and their needs better. But in order to do this there is one essential part to the picture that I have yet to learn, and that’s how to be an effective communicator. There are a few things I have learned about my communication style over the years. I know that I like to communicate, which is a good thing. I also know a few things that I need to work on so I can more effectively communicate with people I am working with. I know that I want to help people, but I don’t always take the time to listen fully. This could potentially send the message that I am not fully engaged or listening to what someone is saying or feeling. Often people just need someone to listen, and if I always have “the answer” it could be more detrimental then helpful. I am also often uncomfortable with silence, and silence isn’t always a bad thing. I guess I think that silence is bad, and as uncomfortable for the other person as it is for me. I also know that I often try and connect the issues of others to experiences I have had in life. I guess it makes me feel connected or like I think that the person talking will know someone understands. The problem with that is that the situation is rarely the same, and I usually give advice when it’s not really needed. I know that I’m not perfect, and I do not strive to be, but I do hope to be better educated and better trained in being an interviewer, working with and communicating more effectively with young people.